I didn’t realize I had a comparison issue until I found myself analyzing the pictures he liked on Instagram. You know those awkward moments where you go through his followers, find all the girls you think are his type, check their page and see if his name pops up in their likes AND low-key just pray you don’t double tap anything because you’ll have to block her page and pretty much throw your entire Instagram away? No? Just me? I found myself thinking, “Why would he like this picture? Who is this? She’s not even all that cute.” I trapped myself into this web of validation and insecurity. Where did it come from and why am I just now noticing it?
I believe it started when I was in foster care. In one of my homes, I had a foster sister and we shared a lot in common such as similar names and the same exact birthday. As an adult, I realize that the enemy planted a seed of insecurity in me at that home. I would measure myself against this perception of beauty and value. “She had more toys than I did, she lived with her actual mom, her hair is softer than mine” were all thoughts that he would feed me in order to depend on my need for validation.
When we compare ourselves to others we say to Christ, “You made a mistake.” Does Christ ever make mistakes? We use that person as a mirror and say to ourselves, “You need __ to feel valuable. You have to do ___ to be loved” instead of taking our own worth and compare it to Jesus. There is not a better example of worth, value or love found in anything on this earth besides Him.
What is the Root?
I believe that most of the issues we tackle (or avoid) all have a root and most of it stems from our past. The underlying spirit of comparison is rejection. Personally, I felt rejected as a child. Due to this rejection, I felt like I had to gain approval through every mean possible. Even if this approval was not plain to people, it was hidden in my heart. I wanted everyone to like me. In my case now as a woman, I wanted a particular man to like me and me only. Because of this, I was willing to tear down another woman to feed my own insecurity. So think about this on your own, is there any level of rejection that you are feeling that causes you to compare? Do you feel as though you are lacking in any area which causes you to covet what another person has?
The Bright Side
Christ had a remedy for my dysfunction and He has one for you too. The first step is identifying the spirit when you see it. In my case, it took me being a creep on social media to realize that I even dealt with the spirit. My second step is to repent. (But why do I have to repent? *crying voice*). Repenting is necessary because it doesn’t allow our hearts to be callous towards the Holy Spirit. When we are pure before the Lord, He is willing to help us overcome what we are dealing with. If we really want to see change in our lives, it begins with having a genuine, repentant heart. Third step: Know (I mean KNOW) deep down that your worth comes from Christ. When you know God’s Word, it is harder for the enemy to continue fighting you. Colossians 2:10 tells us, “and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority.” This means that with Christ, we are full (complete, not lacking anything). In Christ, I know that I am not in competition with anyone. In Christ, I am worthy and valued not by anything I have done but because of Jesus’ love for me on the Cross. In Christ, the only person I want to be compared to is Jesus. But without Christ, I am incomplete. I look for validation and worth in other people, status, and material things. God does not care about your looks, your status, or anything else that can be tangible. He care about the condition of your heart. Are we willing to be bare before Him and come to Him instead of placing more value in people? God wants you complete and whole in Him. It’s deceptive when we try to convince ourselves that we do not have this problem when there is proof in our lives that we do. God will never make another Shaciera and He will never make another you. There is complete beauty in that. Romans 12 speaks about the different gifts that God has given us; gifts that all work together to edify the body of Christ. Let’s focus on the goodness of Christ and how we can use our own gifts for His glory.
Father, I thank you for placing this on my heart to write. I thank you for your goodness; which is constant. Father,there is no one like You in this entire Earth. You are one of a kind. Since we are created in your image, Lord; we too, are one of a kind. We thank you for our uniqueness and the gracious gifts that you have given to us. Our only debt to pay is receiving salvation and spreading the Good News. Forgive us because we come to you with unclean hearts. Please forgive us for the comparison, bitterness, anger, confusion and hatred we have chosen to accept. God, this is our confessional. Cleanse us and make us brand new. Allow us to only want to be more like Christ and not like anyone else. I rebuke any spirit of rebellion, discord and discontentment that is planted in the hearts of all my sisters who will read this post. Satan will no longer have control over our emotions and God, heighten our level of discernment so we can see when it is the enemy at play. Expose every lie of insecurity and flash it before our eyes like a movie. Allow us to recount every hidden hurt that has planted any seeds in our hearts. Pluck it up from the root and God, sit on the throne of our hearts. We believe by faith You can do it and we believe by faith that it is already done. In Jesus’ name, Amen!
Love and Light xx